Michael’s Story: “I Gained Control — and Got My Life Back”

Just The Tonic Coaching – Real Experiences of Becoming Alcohol-Free

Can You Tell Me About Yourself?

I’m retired. I sold my business a few years ago. I’m married, we’ve got five kids between us, and we like to travel and holiday.

How Much Were You Drinking Before Joining Just The Tonic?

I’d come up with an almost arbitrary amount that I was allowed to drink.

If I was with my wife, the minimum was maybe two beers at home, or a glass of wine and a couple of cans of beer. But I would top it up secretly. If she’d gone upstairs, I’d have another quick beer or a sneaky glass of wine. I felt really bad about myself because of that.

On a weeknight, that was it. Then at the weekend, we could go out, have a couple of pints in the pub, go to a different pub, another couple of pints, go home, cook dinner, have a glass of wine, maybe a bottle of wine.

And cocktails made it easier. If we went out for a meal, we’d have cocktails — that was even worse.

Yeah, I was drinking too much.

What Made You Want to Change?

I’d been considering it for maybe a year. I tried an app and I did get a little bit better, but all I did was just reduce — and then it just went back up again when I stopped.

I was waking up every day feeling awful. The only days I felt okay was if I only stuck to those two beers. I’d wake up in the night feeling awful, heart racing. When I couldn’t sleep, that was when it was the worst.

Were You Worried About Your Health?

Yeah. I’d had a heart attack like five years ago.

I also had a well-man check in March. There were a few things that came out of that that I brushed under the carpet. There was a liver problem — my liver was complaining.

I take a lot of blood thinners, so I have to be careful about organs like that. But I brushed it under the carpet and pretended it didn’t really matter.

What Was Your Goal When You Started the Programme?

Just to get control of it.

And that, for me, has been the biggest win — to feel that I’ve gained control of something that I believed I couldn’t get control of.

Throughout my life, I’ve managed to make good life choices and decisions, and they were being smashed down by this — by the drinking.

It was a downward spiral of feeling shit. I didn’t feel good about myself, and I should have been. I’d worked, I’d built a business, I’d sold it, I was retired — I should have been feeling fantastic.

But I wasn’t.

I didn’t like myself.

Did You Think the Programme Would Work?

Do you know what? I didn’t think about that.

I didn’t think, would it work? Would it not work?

I just felt that it was something I needed to do. The more I became involved, it just seemed like it was the next thing to do.

This wasn’t a choice of, shall I do it, shall I not?

It was just… this was the next thing to do.

So I felt there was no other choice.

When Did You Start to Feel Different?

I think I started feeling different the moment that I started reducing alcohol.

The breakthrough moment comes when you have a day without drinking, or a night without drinking.

I wouldn’t say the desire to drink goes away straight away. But that moment you have that one night — in me, it sort of meant, oh, I’ve done it.

I never thought I could ever do that.

So then when you do another night, you feel really good about yourself.

How Would You Describe Your Relationship With Alcohol Now?

It’s certainly in the right direction.

I don’t want to drink because I don’t want to feel like crap.

I’m really pleased with the change in my health. I’ve lost weight. I don’t have a beer belly anymore.

I want to get up in the morning and do my hobbies, like painting and drawing. If I drink, I don’t do it.

My relationship is a lot healthier. We don’t have any alcohol at home.

Life doesn’t need alcohol.

That’s how my relationship has changed.

What Difference Has This Made to Your Marriage?

Less argumentative.

I’d be silent a lot more in the evening if I was drinking. I wouldn’t have anything to say. And then the next morning, I would feel miserable and not wanting to talk.

Whereas now, I’m quite happy to wake up in the morning and smile and have a chat straight away.

She’s a lot happier that I’m not drinking.

I feel that she has gained more respect for me for the fact that I’m able to have a handle on it.

She could never understand why someone like me — who was very forceful and made things happen — couldn’t just not have a drink.

She must be very proud of me.

What About Your Kids?

My son said, “your belly’s gone down,” he’s quite impressed.

My daughter is impressed that I’ve not been drinking.

We have five kids. When they come over for dinner, they don’t drink anymore either.

Things come up more now. People will say things like, “oh, I remember you just slumped in the chair, Dad. That’s how you used to be.”

Not being horrible — but perhaps those things slip out more now.

I think they’re all frightened to say, “you must have really had a problem, Dad, because you were always drunk.”

But I do feel a gradual and comfortable reset with it.

What Would You Tell Someone Who Is Hesitating to Change?

It’s never too late.

It’s never too late to try — and then you’ve got the rest of your life to keep on trying and to look forward to.

Alcohol robs that ability to look forward. It makes you more introspective. You dwell on your own shit.

Stopping alcohol makes you look forward.

Just take one day.

One day of stop drinking.

Maybe a couple of days cutting down. One day of stop drinking. Leave it a couple of days. Then stay another day. Then maybe two days.

Progress that way.

You start to see the benefits.

I couldn’t go back to doing what I was doing. It’s such a miserable existence.

I just couldn’t.

What Was the Best Thing About the Programme for You?

My wife said:

“I can’t believe that you… I’ve been telling you for years to stop drinking, and it took a lady that you’ve just met on the internet — to stop drinking.”

So, what is the best thing?

I think it’s a nice mix of medical-based facts about alcohol, social-based facts, introspective thinking about why you’re doing it, and then a bit of coaching.

The combination of those things was what cracked it.

And then my own mind kicked in.

It felt fairly euphoric because I’m not drinking, and it all seemed to snowball from there.

It’s been a really good thing for me.

It really has.