Maggie Testimonial
Sandra
tell me about what problems alcohol was causing you in your life and why you wanted to make a change.
Maggie
First of all, I didn’t feel that I had a problem with alcohol. I thought that it didn’t affect my life significantly. First, because I was single, so I didn’t have any family problems and my drinking was kind of controlled, I didn’t miss any major situations in my life. But the frequency and amount of alcohol I was drinking started to scare me as I thought it was above the normal limits, more than my friends, more than my colleagues, more than my family members. I was comparing myself to people who I always thought drank too much. I found the book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, I read it and realised I wanted to change and work on myself. After a year of thinking about me and my drinking, I found you. I knew that it’s this moment for a change.
Maggie
Before I booked the course, I had booked a lot of trips and concerts. The Tshirt I am wearing today is to celebrate the three concerts where I have been sober.
Sandra
Your lifestyle was such that you would be working and then you would be partying?
Maggie
Yes, every week I was traveling somewhere in England, Ireland, Scotland, Poland, Paris.
Sandra
For people listening to that Maggie, people will be thinking that would be really hard to do all that partying and not drink. How did it change when you stopped drinking? Were the people around you still drinking? Did you find that difficult?
Maggie
From the beginning, when I made the decision to join Just the Tonic, I was sure that I didn’t want to drink, I just needed to be in a group to support me, just in case. I had never tried any sober challenges, like 30 days or 60 days. Even if I was sick, I’d get better and then start partying again.
Sandra
You have a glamorous lifestyle. You’ve got a great group of friends and you’re travelling a lot. But you were also extremely committed. Whenever we had a coaching call, you’re always fully prepared and you had your notes. You went through all the modules; you posted in the group.
Your work ethic is really, really impressive. How easy did you find it to fit that in? And what did you get out of the modules?
Maggie
It was torture . I’m bad at doing homework. I was always bad even at school. But this was something which was, I knew I had to do this for my sake to improve my life. And it was the only way to change. You know how lost I was at the beginning. I was so lost. I didn’t know what you asked me, what these modules were about. I was listening first, always listening, listening, listening. Then I click completed because I thought I’ve done the modules. But then after a few weeks I’d go back and do the writing and journaling.
People would drink around me, and it didn’t bother me. They were often trying to challenge me, testing my will, with “come on have a try of this”, but I would think you can play with my power forever I am not giving in!
Sandra
You were in the group with the other women from the UK and from the US. What was that experience like?
Maggie
Again, at the beginning it was hard. I was so distanced because generally my character I don’t like groups. Even with my friends if we travel and someone organises a Whatsapp group and then the phone pings constantly, I hate this and will ask to be removed from the group asking to be text directly with just the important stuff.
With this group at the beginning, I liked the women, reading the texts and slowly they all became my family, I miss them!
It was so inspiring, so powerful to be in this group.
Sandra
I remember you saying you went to Dublin, and you went to Edinburgh. Places where there’s a lot of alcohol around. And I remember you saying that you still like to go into the pub, and you now have an alcohol-free drink. What would you say to other people that would be like thinking, oh, that must be really hard, to not drink alcohol and be at a pub?
Maggie
I would tell them you can drink alcohol free drinks and feel amazing, even better. I know going to concerts for the concerts first time, I was on a high. I felt like high from adrenaline because every emotion I could feel soberly, you know, like really nothing was numbed or paralysed from alcohol.
Sandra
It’s funny how we think we’ll be missing out; something like a concert where it’s a live experience. I like what you’re saying, Maggie, it sounds like you really enjoy it.
Maggie
I have goosebumps, it’s just indescribable.
Sandra
Fantastic. So that real feeling of being fully present.
Maggie
Yes, I was 100 percent with all my senses.
Sandra
That’s fantastic. And what was it liking the next day?
You’re travelling a lot and you work quite challenging hours. Did you notice any difference in your energy levels when you stopped drinking?
Maggie
Yes, yes, absolutely. It’s just that I’m waking up fresh. I sleep better. I sleep longer .
I’m reevaluating my life now. What was, what seems to be extremely important for me, like concerts, festivals, parties, music, organising my own parties now without the alcohol it’s not important anymore.
I now focus more about my sleep patterns, sleeping hours, especially hours, because, you know, you remember when I told you I was sleeping three or four hours per day because I didn’t want to miss one minute of my life. I was extending the day to the maximum.
Seeing my friends after work coming back at midnight and still being awake for one, two hours, going to bed at two, waking up at five. It went on and on and on. It was madness.
Now, after work, I come home, I take a shower, change, put on my pyjama and I’m happily in bed if I don’t have to go anywhere.
Sandra
Fantastic. So, you feel more at peace with just relaxing?
Maggie
Yes
Sandra
You’re the first person I’ve worked with, Maggie, from Poland. What is the drinking culture like there? How does it compare to the UK and US?
Maggie
Poland and Russia are famous for drinking excessively. I came here in 2005, I noticed that Irish people are drinking the same way. Scottish and English people are drinking the same way.
The way of drinking is different because Poland was always a poor country. So, they drink at home, and drink more Vodka. Rather than going out and paying for drinks in the pubs. We didn’t have pubs in Poland. The way of drinking was different, but the amount of drinking is probably the same.
Sandra
I know you’ve got your list of all the benefits. I’d love to hear what were the main highlights, how in terms of the outcome you got.
Maggie
The biggest change I have noticed is my mood. I am constantly happy. It is a result of multi – little changes.
- it’s better sleep,
- no hangovers,
- no regrets from previous night and weekends, stupid behaviours.
- No bulimia and binge eating episodes,
- and no smoking,
- less stress, agitation, irritation, tiredness.
More peace and calmness.
So, when you feel free from all of those bad consequences of drinking and partying in general, how can you not be happy?
The joy of being sober is so unexpected and huge that it emanates from me every day, and I want to share it with everyone.
I’m basically smiling all the time and want to hug everybody.
It is so genuine that it is almost comparable to the pure joy of a child.
The other thing I noticed is the awareness, presence and stronger will.
Before I was living in a sort of tedium, mental stagnation, with every passing year I began to lose the boundaries of moral principles. Everything bad and inappropriate was becoming normal.
I felt more often a short – lived enthusiasm.
So, thousands of great ideas evaporated the next day with the first pint or a first glass of wine.
In general, when we drink, we deliberately avoid the bigger goals, as we know we fail pretty soon.
We live from day to day.
I like to say I live spontaneously, because I didn’t like the plans. I didn’t like the disappointment even more after failing or something happening.
So, another one was I mentioned the revaluation of my life. I value my quality of life rather than partying and self -improvement. But for this, I need more time. I need a little bit more time to focus on it.
Sandra
Fantastic. That is so beautiful. That is joy every day. One of the other things, there are so many amazing things to celebrate here, but something else is amazing. Not only did you stop drinking alcohol, but you stopped vaping and having problems with food as well. How fabulous is that?
Maggie
I was thinking about this, the correlation between stopping drinking, stopping eating, smoking. I’m more aware, I’m stronger. It is hard to explain in English.
Sandra
It sounds like what you’re saying is you like yourself more and you’re more confident.
Maggie
Yes, that’s what I was also thinking earlier.
When you don’t respect yourself, you don’t even pay attention to be firm in some things. We were working on my eating patterns and bulimia patterns. I ate already, so it doesn’t bother me. I eat more and then I can get rid of this.
Yesterday, the first time I had a little bit of craving for extra food in the evening. I said to myself “no, I don’t deserve this. I respect myself too much now. I don’t want to do this to my body.”
Sandra
I love that. That’s so good. You’ve obviously got the modules for life, and I know that you are very diligent. What’s your plan going forward? Are you going to listen to the modules on a regular basis?
Maggie
First, I want to go through them properly from the beginning until the end and do the notes and journaling. Then, yes, I know that in module 5, when you were talking about handling stress, anxiety, and some other problems, I haven’t experienced them yet, but I will probably in the future. So, I know I can use them.
Sandra
What a brilliant outcome. Thank you so much. It’s been such a pleasure to work with. It’s been great. All the photographs you shared of your exciting travels, I know everyone in the group is saying, where’s Maggie this weekend? You obviously have done the course when you had a lot going on in your life. What would you say to someone who maybe is watching this and thinking, yes, but it’s the summer it’s a bad time to try and get control over alcohol. What would you say to them, Maggie?
Maggie
As I said to myself, it’s the best time to overcome, to challenge yourself.
There’s no better time than right now. If you want to stop drinking, do this from now. Don’t wait for a better time because there is no better time. As I said to my friend as well, she was so adamant, resilient to my words.
I said, no, don’t wait until something, until you find a job, until you’ve changed the house. Do this now and then everything will become easier.
Sandra
I love that. What would you say to someone that’s watching this, that’s where you were a few months ago, so they’re struggling, but they’re afraid of asking for help?
Maggie
I don’t know. I wasn’t afraid to ask for help. Just don’t wait until you hit the bottom because you don’t want to be in a really bad situation and risk your life or your family, Don’t be afraid. The life without the alcohol is so exciting and so beautiful that I wouldn’t waste one minute for the alcohol now.
Sandra
How big a difference is this made to your life?
Maggie
I always considered myself a happy person, but this happiness now, it’s absolutely different from what I felt before. It’s like pure, childish, genuine happiness.
Sandra
One other question I wanted to ask you … I know when we had our first conversation, one of your motivations was that you wanted to show up differently for your son.
What difference has it made to your relationship with him since you’ve stopped drinking?
Maggie
Okay, first of all, our relationship was always good, but now it’s extremely good.
When he doesn’t hear my tipsy voice anymore, he wants to talk to me for longer than 15 minutes. He comes to meet me after work, and we have a chat. We cook together. We do stuff together, and he doesn’t avoid me.
Sandra
Well, thank you so much. It’s been absolute joy. And, you know, I’ll be keeping touch with you in the grad group,
But I just want to say brilliant work. I say to people when I start working with them, if you do the work, you’ll get the results. And you really embodied that from all the travelling, from having a different work schedule, from speaking a different language you were just amazing. So, I really want to say, well done.
Maggie
From the first webinar, when I heard your voice, your stories, I just trusted you. I just believed you. And I said, I need to be with this woman. I need Sandra to guide me.
Sandra
Thank you so much. It’s been an absolute pleasure. Congratulations.